People Pleasing: Finding a Balance Between Self-fulfilment and Meeting Others' Expectations

In a world obsessed with approval and validation, many people find themselves stuck in a cycle of people pleasing. This habit of putting others' happiness before our own often leads to feelings of emptiness and exhaustion. Recognising this behaviour is the first step toward achieving balance between caring for ourselves and meeting the expectations of others.

The Origins of People Pleasing

People pleasing often begins in childhood. Many people learn to seek approval from parents or teachers to feel loved and accepted. This learned behaviour can develop into an automatic response, where personal wishes are shelved to ensure others are happy.

Society often teaches us that being selfless is a good thing. For example, many adults feel they need to be agreeable. This can make people tie their self-worth to being liked, which can conflict with their own desires.

This cycle can undermine our self-esteem. When our happiness depends on external validation, our capacity to define our identity diminishes. It is crucial to understand how this pattern damages our self-image and to take proactive measures to break free from it.

Signs You Might Be a People Pleaser

Spotting people pleasing behaviours is the first step to regaining balance. Here are key signs that may indicate you are a people pleaser:

• Difficulty Saying No: If you often say yes to requests even when it strains your schedule, you may be prioritising others' needs over your own.

  
  

• Constantly Seeking Approval: Do you find yourself needing validation from others on your decisions? This dependence can indicate that your self-esteem relies too heavily on what others think.

  
  

• Avoiding Conflict: If disagreeing makes you anxious, it may suggest you favour peace over being honest.

  
  

• Feeling Resentful: A continuous feeling of being overburdened by obligations could mean you are overcommitting to make others happy.

  
  

Recognising these signs is essential. Once identified, you can work toward creating healthier interpersonal dynamics.

Finding a Middle Ground

How can we balance fulfilling our own needs while respecting others' expectations? Here are some practical strategies:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Understanding your limits is crucial. Establishing healthy boundaries protects your time and energy. For instance, if you’re overwhelmed at work, learn to communicate your needs to your manager. Saying no occasionally is not an act of selfishness; it can be essential for maintaining healthy connections.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that your happiness matters too. Engaging in self-reflection, like journaling your thoughts or practicing meditation, can help reconnect with your own desires. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend: with kindness and understanding.

3. Reassess Your Relationships

Evaluate your social circle. Are there individuals in your life who consistently take more than they give? Surrounding yourself with supportive people can foster an environment where you feel valued and respected.

Embracing Change

The journey to balance takes time and patience. It's common to feel uncomfortable when altering long-standing habits. However, overcoming these obstacles can lead to a more satisfying life.

Learning to prioritise your happiness can enhance your relationships. Healthy connections thrive when individuals feel authentic. When you are true to yourself, those around you tend to respect your boundaries more.

Embracing a Healthier Mindset

People pleasing teaches us that it is entirely possible to support others without sacrificing our well-being. By understanding the roots of this mindset and implementing actionable strategies, we can achieve a balance that honours both our needs and those of others.

Remember, you can prioritise your happiness. Doing so will not only improve your overall well-being but also foster deeper, more genuine connections. In embracing your true self, you will discover the fulfilment that comes from caring for both yourself and those